Memories of a Highlander Page 7

  “Ye can leave yer clothes on if ye are bashful, Eleanor, but I am too comfortable like this. I’ve had a busy day, and I won’t be awake long, so ye can do as ye wish”.

  I closed my eyes, trying to appear relaxed, needing Eleanor to trust me enough to take this next step. I soon felt the mattress dip a little, but could tell that Eleanor must be right on the edge of the mattress, trying to keep a distance between us. I thought briefly of throwing an arm over her and pulling her to me, but then realised that would only make things more difficult for the both of us. Eleanor because she feared me, and me because I wanted her. Eventually I did fall asleep, apparently I had been telling the truth about being tired, even though I had not realised it when I said it.

  Eleanor

  I had held myself stiff and apart from Donald until I fell asleep, afraid to roll into him and touch him. With him being already naked, and me only wearing my shift, my mind kept replaying how easily he could get me into the position that Lachlan had done, and no matter how often I told myself that this was Donald, not Lachlan, all I could think of was the feel of Lachlan’s hard shaft pressing against my thigh. I began to be angry, when I thought of what Lachlan had taken from me. I was married to a wonderful, caring man, who obviously thought a lot of me, and instead of being brave enough to discover what it would feel like to join with my husband, all I could think of was what another man had almost done to me. Eventually I fell asleep, but my intention to stay still must have fallen away during the night, as when I woke, I found myself surrounded by Donald. My first thought when I opened my eyes was to scream, but then I calmed myself enough to realise that Donald was still asleep, and that he was not posing a threat to me just because he held me tight. I slowly breathed in, breathing in Donald’s scent, a mixture of his own earthy smell and the perfume that I had noticed in the soaps used in this household. There was a big, heavy arm wrapped around my waist, and an equally heavy leg thrown over my lower body. Although I was effectively trapped, I found that it was not an unpleasant feeling. Since I was in a warm cocoon, I realised that I must have been in this position for several hours, yet Donald had not hurt me. Deciding to take advantage of the fact that Donald was still asleep, I stealthily lifted the bed covers to peek underneath, seeing the dusting of blonde hairs on Donald’s arm, and by craning my neck I could see a similar pattern on his leg. I must have moved slightly, as my buttocks pressed backward into Donald’s body, and then I felt it. It was hard against the cheeks of my arse, and it seemed to be getting harder and larger as the moments wore on. I slowly tried to push myself further backwards, to check if I was correct, then I heard Donald’s voice drawl just behind my ear.

  “Ye keep doing that, woman, and ye will do me an injury”.

  I gasped and would have jumped away, but Donald gently increased the pressure of his arm and leg so that I could not. He spoke again.

  “I won’t let ye go until I know ye aren’t going to run. I told ye I would wait until ye are ready, and I will. I will never force ye, Eleanor, ye know that, so calm down”.

  “But Donald, ye are clearly wanting to take me, what am I supposed to think?”

  With a big sigh, Donald decreased the pressure of his arm, but instead of letting me go, he flipped me over so that I was facing him. He did remove his leg though, so that I could put some distance between our bodies.

  “It’s a normal reaction, Eleanor. I’m only human, and when I wake up with ye in my arms, my body reacts to ye. That doesn’t mean that I can’t control myself. It only means that I want ye, and that’s nothing to be afraid of”.

  I stared at him with wide eyes. His face was still relaxed from sleep, but his eyes looked concerned, and before I thought about it, my hand came up to cup his cheek.

  “Ye are a good man, Donald. It is I who should apologise for my distrust, but it comes from fear, not from anything ye have done. I wish things could be different for me. I used to be curious, but now….”

  I stopped as Donald’s eyes lightened with interest.

  “Curious about what, Eleanor? Ye can tell me. If ye have any questions, ask me. If I know the answer, I will tell ye, no matter how personal the question is”.

  I paused, wanting to ask, but fearing to. I suddenly realised what some of the feelings I had been having were – it wasn’t just fear holding me back, it was guilt. I had been curious about men, I had wanted to experience physical love, and I knew that women weren’t supposed to think that way. Maybe what happened to me happened because of me, maybe I had done something to encourage Lachlan without knowing it. Yet Donald had said I was not to blame. I was confused.

  “Before I ask, I have to know whether ye think I have been too forward. Do ye think that maybe Lachlan somehow knew that I was curious about what men and women did, and do ye think that was why he thought I would do that with him?”

  Donald’s eyes now flashed angrily, and I could feel him tense. I drew back a little, and I could see him try to relax as he realised that he was frightening me a little.

  “Get those thoughts out of yer mind, Eleanor. Ye must not make excuses for men like Lachlan. It is only natural to want to learn about the pleasures a man and woman enjoy, if people didn’t want to do that, then no-one would ever have bairns. Just like animals mate, so do people, we aren’t that much different, just more complicated. But there are people who are worse than animals, Eleanor. Animals don’t hurt other animals just because they get pleasure from it, and that was what Lachlan was trying to do to ye. What he wanted was not to make love to ye, but to hurt ye and make ye feel pain, and make him feel better about himself by exerting power over ye. Whatever ye are thinking about yerself, ye have to stop. If ye don’t, ye will never move on from the place where yer thoughts are now”.

  “So, ye don’t think me a harlot or something, because I wanted to know how it felt to be with a man? Because I did, before”.

  “No, I don’t think ill of ye because of natural curiosity. Women still feel the same urges as men, they are just taught that they shouldn’t. Ye have seen Mary and Liam, haven’t ye? Have ye seen how they are with each other? Do ye think any the less of Mary because she loves to be with her husband?”

  I thought about that. I was about to stay that it was proper for Mary to want to be with Liam, because they were married, then I realised how silly that was. Mary and Liam would want to be together, married or not. Did marriage make it acceptable for a woman to desire her husband? Because I was married, yet here I was, in the arms of a wonderful man, yet still a maiden. I looked at Donald, seeing him watching me, knowing that he would accept whatever decision I made about our future, and deciding that I needed to be as brave and courageous as he was.

  “No, I don’t think any the less of Mary because she obviously enjoys being with Liam. I want us to be like that, but – “

  I stopped talking at Donald’s smile. It was a beautiful smile, and I wanted to see more of it, but did not know why he was smiling. Did he not just hear me say ‘but’?”

  “Don’t worry so much, Eleanor. Do ye think that Liam took Mary to his bed the first day he met her? He probably wanted to, but he didn’t. It takes time for a bond to develop. If ye count all the days that we have spent together, ye could probably do it on one hand. Ye were here for two days the first time we met, and how long has it been for us this time? Three days? I don’t expect ye to be comfortable enough with me to let me make love to ye, married or not. Like I said, I am a patient man, and I believe that good things come to those who are prepared to wait for them”.

  I looked at Donald a bit longer, dumbstruck at how lucky I had been that he had come along when he did. Not just that anyone had come along to save me, but that it had been Donald. Then that question came back to me again, the one I had wondered about a couple of times, but never got an answer to. I sat up, trying to get in a position where I could look down at Donald, but only succeeding in making the bedcovers fall away from his impressive chest. My eyes strayed towards his strongly muscled body for a mo
ment, and then I shook my head to remove the distraction.

  “Ye never did tell me why ye were there, Donald. Why were ye on our lands when ye were, and alone?”

  Donald swallowed, then raised himself on one elbow to look me in the eye as he spoke.

  “I won’t lie to ye, Eleanor. I couldn’t get ye out of my mind when ye left here last year. I have been riding closer and closer to McDonnell lands all year, not really knowing what to do about it. I hoped to see ye, or to see someone who I could ask about ye, and I finally did, although I would have given anything if things had not happened the way they did”.

  I stared at him in shock. He had been thinking about me all year? I had often thought of him, but when I did, I had thought that he would have forgotten all about me by now. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, and I decided to laugh, falling back onto the mattress, unable to explain myself to Donald. Finally I wiped the tears from my eyes, and tried to tell Donald what I was laughing about, having to have a couple of attempts at it before I could speak.

  “Donald, we are both so foolish. Ye were thinking about me, I was thinking about ye, and we both didn’t know!”

  Donald looked down at me, his beautiful green eyes seemed almost black as his head blocked out the morning light.

  “Ye were thinking about me? When? How?”

  I was going to lie at first, and make up some silly story, but then I remembered how honest he had been with me, even when I thought he might have been uncomfortable about my questions. So I decided to tell him the truth.

  “I wondered what it would be like to be kissed by ye, to be held by ye, and maybe even to have yer body tight against mine, but I didn’t think I would ever see ye again. My father had a guard on me after yer brother returned me home, and I couldn’t get any time on my own. He was worried I might try to come back here for Midnight, and I might have, but I wanted to see ye again, to see if ye were still as handsome as I remembered”.

  Suddenly, Donald wasn’t talking to me anymore. He leaned down, and I watched him breathlessly as his face neared mine, his eyes locked on my lips. My eyes fluttered closed as Donald’s lips gently brushed mine, and his free arm moved to my neck, gently stroking down to my shoulder and up again. I felt Donald’s lips move against mine, warm and soft, then my eyes flew open in surprise as I felt his tongue running around the seam of my lips, trying to tease them to open. Not knowing why, but knowing that I wouldn’t regret it, I slowly opened my mouth, hearing Donald groan as his tongue then slipped in between my lips. Right then, as his tongue began to explore my mouth, I felt a strange sensation between my legs. It felt like heat, spreading up through my body, and then down again to that secret part of me that no-one had ever touched but me, alone in my bed at night. Suddenly I knew that I wanted Donald to touch that part of me, and I arched my hips upward to him. As I did, he leaned in to me further, but then I felt that hard nudge against my leg and I froze. Donald slowly withdrew his lips from mine, looking down at me with sadness.

  “Too soon? I was beginning to hope we could move past this”.

  As I looked up at him, frozen with fear, but conflicted as I wanted him to kiss me again, he flopped back on the bed, folding his arm over his eyes and breathing hard. As the bedclothes settled again after his sudden movement, I noticed that they were not laying flat where his lower body would be. In fact, it looked like someone had pitched a tent under the bed covers. Donald must have noticed where I was looking, because his other hand came up to rub along my arm reassuringly.

  “It’s only me, Eleanor. Just another part of me, like my arm or my leg. Do ye trust me?”

  I nodded, and knew that Donald was watching me as he exhaled in relief.

  “Do ye really trust me Eleanor? Do ye trust that I will not hurt ye? Have I not allayed some of ye fears so far?”

  I nodded again, unable to take my eyes off the bulge in the bedclothes. I knew what it was, and where it was supposed to go, and I could not imagine how it could possibly fit. That must be what Mary had meant, when she said it could hurt. I could imagine that it would hurt quite a lot, to have a man try to squeeze something that size into me. Donald clasped my shoulder, turning me to face him, his arm was now resting on his forehead, and I could see that his eyes were watching me closely.

  “I don’t know how many times I can tell ye that I won’t hurt ye, and I won’t. But until we move past this fear, ye will never know”.

  I snorted in disbelief.

  “How can ye say that ye wouldn’t hurt me. Look at the size of that thing! There is no way that can fit inside me, ye would hurt me if ye tried”.

  Donald looked at me for a while then nodded.

  “If I tried now I would. But not always. But keep telling me how big my shaft is, a man can never hear enough of that”.

  Donald smiled wistfully, then stroked my hair.

  “Best ye get out of bed and get dressed, wife. If ye don’t leave me, I am going to be stuck here all day, as long as ye are in this bed with me, I am going to be hard for ye. Even after ye leave, I know I am going to have a rough day of it”.

  I looked at him quizzically.

  “What do ye mean Donald? Won’t it go away when ye start moving around?”

  Donald laughed out loud at that.

  “That might happen once or twice, but ye have made me hard so many times already, I swear my balls must be blue by now”.

  I frowned. I hadn’t noticed any strange discolourations yesterday when we had been swimming. Donald looked at me and smiled at my frown.

  “What I mean wife, is that ye excite me beyond belief, and I have been left wanting so long that it is becoming painful, but I will deal with it when ye go”.

  I gasped at that. Donald in pain? Because of me? That would not do, I could not bear to think of Donald suffering any pain, least of all because of something I had done.

  “What do ye mean, ye will deal with it? Can ye take something for the pain?”

  Donald now blushed, which wasn’t something I was used to seeing. He looked away, then looked back at me, then looked away again. I leaned up on one arm and poked him.

  “Answer me, Donald. I don’t like to think of ye in pain. Is there anything I can do for ye?”

  Donald stared at me, his eyes wide. Then my big, strong man, actually croaked when he tried to speak, before clearing his throat and starting again.

  “No, I don’t think ye can. It’s a bit embarrassing love, but I need to relieve my need myself, ye know?” At my blank look, he continued. “With my hand, love, I need to bring myself to release with my hand, so I need ye to go”.

  I still didn’t really understand, and then I opened my mouth on a gasp as I thought I knew.

  Suddenly, I knew what I had to do, what I wanted to do.

  “Show me how, Donald, I want to do it”.

  “Ye don’t have to, Eleanor, I don’t expect ye to, and I don’t want ye to feel like I’ve made ye do anything. I didn’t mean what I said about pain, it’s not that bad”.

  “Donald, ye aren’t making me do anything. I want to touch ye, if I can touch ye, I’m one step closer to letting ye touch me, do ye understand that?”

  Donald stared at me for a good long moment, then slowly moved the bed covering down his body. I watched as he revealed each part, finally giving in to the temptation to touch his broad chest. He sucked in a breath as I touched a nipple, wondering why men had them since they didn’t feed bairns, and I looked into his eyes as I had feared that I might have hurt him. What I saw there reassured me, and I gently traced his lower abdomen as he pushed the bed clothes lower. When he pushed them past the bulge, it sprang forward when not confined by the bed covers. I looked, not really knowing what to expect. Yesterday, it had not looked like this, not when Donald had just climbed out of the cold water. As I had feared, it was very long, and even scarier, it was quite thick. It looked hard, and I tentatively reached out my hand to touch it briefly with the tips of my fingers, drawing my hand back quickly in surprise. It w
as surprisingly soft. I looked at Donald, to see him watching me, his eyes half closed and his lips parted.

  “Show me how”, I said quietly.

  Donald didn’t move for a while then slowly he picked up my hand and put it on his shaft. It felt warm and soft to my touch. With his hand, he made me curl my fingers around it, so that I was grasping it, and then he gently moved my hand up to the tip, before moving my hand down to the base. I looked at Donald, and he nodded at me before withdrawing his hand. I repeated the motion, exerting the pressure he had shown me, and was gratified to see him throw back his head, beginning to pant. Getting a little bolder, I repeated the motion, brushing my hand against his balls as I reached the base. He grunted and I stopped.

  “I’m sorry, Donald, did I hurt ye?”

  Donald raised his head back up to look at me, and I marvelled at the haze in his eyes. Had my touch put that look there? Suddenly I felt powerful. I might not be able to overpower this big, strong man in a physical tussle, but I knew that I affected him, which was more than I had thought possible.

  “No, Eleanor, it all feels good. My balls are very sensitive right now though, so be gentle with me”.

  I laughed, amused at the thought that Donald had to ask me to be gentle. Me! I turned back to his shaft, looking at it as I stroked it. I still could not believe that this thing would fit into me, but then I had a thought that made me blush. Donald’s brother Liam was also a very big man, and his wife was much smaller than I was. Had she had the same fear? I knew that the only way to reassure myself was to ask, but didn’t know how I was going to bring up that subject.

  As I stroked Donald, he started to thrust his hips into my hand, moaning softly as he did. I took that to mean that he was enjoying what I was doing, but that it wasn’t enough. So I moved my hand faster, and increased the pressure a little. Donald moaned even louder and I noticed a few drops of fluid leading out of the eye of his shaft. I wondered what this was for, but didn’t want to stop doing what I was doing, as Donald seemed to be enjoying it so much, and it was doing something to me as well. I was starting to feel that heat between my thighs again, and it was making my movements more urgent. I sat forward on my haunches, and gently touched Donald’s balls with the other hand, while I kept up the rhythm on his shaft. As I sat forward a little more, wanting to watch what I was doing, I felt Donald’s hand snake up underneath my buttocks, and cup my mound. Shocked, I stopped for a moment, then Donald gently stroked his hand backwards and forwards, so I kept doing what he had been enjoying so much, but kept my thighs together, making it clear that Donald had gone as far as I was prepared to let him go right now. I heard a little rumble of disapproval, then a grunt, then Donald was thrusting his hips in earnest, and I could hear his breathing change. Suddenly, Donald’s hand was withdrawn from my mound, causing me to whimper a little from the loss of his warmth, then both of his hands cupped his shaft, one covering the eye. He grunted and heaved, and under my hands I could feel his shaft pulse, and then saw liquid leaking out between his fingers. My eyes opened wider still, and then Donald stilled and breathed out, opening an eye to look at me.